“You handled it so well.” Those words sting, a hollow echo far from my truth. I didn’t handle it. I unraveled, spiraling into the chaos of my own heart. My spark—the light that once danced in my soul—flickered to ash. I bled in silence, wounds invisible yet jagged, carved deep where no one could reach. I shattered in private, my spirit fracturing across moments too heavy to name. And still, I wore a smile—a lie so seamless it outshone any mask I could’ve worn.
Six years ago, I lost my mom, she was only 63. Nine months ago, my stepdad. My grandparents in the years between. The past few years have been a relentless tide of grief, each loss a wave crashing against my core. As my parents caregiver, I gave everything—my time, my heart, my strength—feeling the ache of helplessness as I couldn’t save them, yet holding tight to the honour of easing their days. Every moment I held their hands, every quiet laugh, every tear shared—it’s woven into who I am. That love, that duty, it both broke me and built me.
Yes, I’m different—scarred, reshaped, but standing taller. My spark is reignited, not the same flame, but a fiercer one, tempered by pain and love. We’re taught to hide our struggles, to perform strength behind polished masks. That’s not courage—it’s survival. Real strength is admitting you’re not okay, that you’re human, that grief and loss have left you raw. Feeling this deeply isn’t weakness; it’s the heartbeat of a life fully lived.
Let’s stop glorifying “handling it well” and start embracing the messy, sacred truth of our journeys. You don’t have to be okay every moment. You just have to keep showing up, even when it hurts. To anyone carrying the weight of loss, caregiving, or silent battles: you’re not alone. Reach out. Cry. Scream. Heal.
Your pain is valid, and so is your comeback. 💔🔥
Laura xx
#ItsOkayToNotBeOkay #GriefAndHealing #CaregiverStrength
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1 comment
Laura…. That phrase has always bothered me too !! So many people think that it’s the right thing to say about others out of respect or jealousy. I really and truly don’t get it.
You stepped up all along the way as both of this dear and well loved couple went through so many different health issues and challenges. It is such a “different world” without them and yes,,, you are a different person as are many of us but we fought for your mom and stood by her side. I miss her terribly but I feel blessed to have been her friend and she mine. When she was diagnosed with PSP I couldn’t imagine a world without her. I was crushed and I am still sad but I feel lucky to have had her in my life and that I was with her during those terrible days. There is no excuse for people to say “ it’s just too hard”. !!! You gotta step up and be there. If roles were reversed I know that she would have been there for me or you or anyone… that’s just who she was. It’s NOT easy to step up but she deserved everything and anything we could do for her.
Life IS different and has definitely changed my life but I feel privileged to have been part of her life and I loved her ❤️